Balfar’s Privateers

Everyone needs to filk Barrett’s Privateers at least once in their life, right? This was written while Balfar was king and made a very, very foolish demand of Captain Eric, who at that time commanded the Lady Joane Glory, the ship I served aboard. Namely, he told Eric that Eric would be allowed to build the “Hareline Wall” (yes, Eric did in fact take up 10 minutes of court to get to a pun), blocking the noble Easterners from the evil Hares of Skraeling Althing… on one condition. And that condition was that Eric needed to send him progress reports.

For the rest of the reign, Balfar couldn’t get rid of us, no matter how much he wanted to. Every single event from that point forward, Captain Eric would send him “progress reports” on how the wall was coming, and each one contained a hideously bad pun. My friend Domenico (now known as Domenego) and I wrote this on our way back from an event in Skraeling Althing.

Everything in this song is based on real events.

Balfar’s Privateers
by Domenico Angelo Malevolti Tremamundo 
and Katherine Ashewode, “The Pocket Bard”
to the tune of Barrett’s Privateers
March 2004

Oh the Year was A.S. 30 and 8
How I wish I was in Drakchenwald!
When the Lady Joane Glorie asked me here
for a letter of markque ‘gainst Ealdormere

Chorus:
God damn them all!
I was told they’d fight my foes and send me gold
they’d honour my crown, bring me cheer
Now I’ve a tarnished crown and I wait in tears
for the end of Balfar’s Privateers.

Well I worked out trades with my western peers
How I wish I was in Drachenwald!
When the Lady Joane Glorie came to dock
In Skraeling port, their pistols cocked.

Chorus

Well they promised to build a fortified wall
How I wish I was in Drachenwald!
I thought they’d use stones hard to crack,
But they built it out of stale hardtack. [with weevils!]

Chorus

I won a far off southern war
How I wish I was in Drachenwald!
We held a feast to last a year
But Eric’s crew had drunk our beer.

Chorus

They went and plundered an Ealdormere ship
How I wish I was in Drachenwald!
A treasure ship, ’twas plain to see,
but the gifts aboard were meant for me.

Chorus

Well Eric has caused me plenty of woes
How I wish I was in Drachenwald!
At court I was ready to have his head,
But Lady Joane gave me chocolate instead.

Chorus

Now at last my reign is over and done.
How I hope to move to Drachenwald!
I thought they’d finally give me peace
But they won’t stop ’til I’m deceased.

God damn them all!
I was told they’d fight my foes and send me gold
they’d honour my crown, bring me cheer
Now my crown is off, but I’m still in tears
for I’ll never lose these Privateers.

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1 Comment

  1. Hampers said,

    July 22, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Nice blog with a nice title “Balfar’s Privateers” Had a great time going through the quatrains. Keep it up the good work.


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