No Longer Seventeen

Last year at Pennsic, I had a number of interactions where people assumed I was underage. It was quite frustrating. Then, one morning at breakfast, I realized that “no longer seventeen” scans to the second line of ballad meter. Forty-five minutes later, I had this song. Incidentally, I think I get a bardic prize somewhere for being able to use the phrase “statutory crime” in a song. Given that it was my birthday on Monday, taking me even further away from 17, I thought I’d share this. This song has an original melody, and you can watch me perform it here.

No Longer Seventeen
by Katherine Ashewode, “The Pocket Bard”
Pennsic 37 (2008)

Early in the morning, I grabbed my sword and shield,
Went up to the marshal so I could I take the field,
But as he looked me up and down, he sadly shook his head,
“We have no boffo fighting here, you’ll have to wait instead.”

Chorus:
Everywhere I go the people always start to scream,
“You can’t! You can’t! There isn’t a chance! You must be seventeen!”

Went up to security so I could do my part.
Put my name upon the list so I could drive a car.
The man behind the desk looked up and loudly did he balk,
“You need to be eighteen to drive, I think you’ll have to walk.”

Chorus

Evening is for parties, at least that’s what I think,
Found my way into the Bog so I could have a drink.
Went up to the counter and I asked them for a beer,
“I’m sorry, lass,” the man replied, “we cannot serve you here.”

Chorus

I went out a-wenching, all in my scarf and bells,
Found myself a handsome lord I thought would treat me well,
But as I dragged him to my tent to have a jolly time,
His neighbours said that it would be a statutory crime.

Chorus

Everywhere I go the people all are in a rage.
They look upon my countenance and think I’m underage.
*But now I’ll set the record straight, not playing any tricks,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-six!

Final chorus:
Everywhere I go the people always start the scream,
But I swear my lords and ladies I’m no longer seventeen!


Alternate end verses:

*But now I’ll set the record straight so we can have some fun,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-one!

*But now I’ll set the record straight, there’s nothing else to do,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-two!

*But now I’ll set the record straight, so listen well to me,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-three!

*But now I’ll set the record straight as I have done before,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-four!

*But now I’ll set the record straight, as sure as I’m alive,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-five!

*But now I’ll set the record straight, not playing any tricks,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-six!

*Everywhere I go the people all are full of spite
They look upon my countenance and say it isn’t right.
But now I’ll set the record straight so we can turn the page,
I swear my lords and ladies twenty-seven is my age!

*But looks can be deceiving so I’ll set the record straight,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-eight!

*But now I’ll set the record straight so everything is fine,
I swear my lords and ladies that I’m really twenty-nine!

*Everywhere I go the people all are full of spite
They look upon my countenance and say it isn’t right.
But now I’ll set the record straight so we can turn the page,
It’s been a dozen years or more since I was underage!

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