The Ballad of Marian’s Scones

At my camp at Pennsic, there’s a woman by the name of Marian who makes some of the most wonderful scones I’ve ever tasted. Whenever she passes them around and we eat them, she always asks, “How are they?” Now, any sane (and most insane) people in this situation would want to reply, “I’m in a state of bliss. I have never experienced a baked good this orgasmic.” This would be the wrong answer.

As I learned at Pennsic, there’s an official answer to Marian’s question. The official answer is, “These are dreadful. They should be wiped off the face of the Earth so you can try another batch. I’ll do my part by selflessly hurling myself upon the unexploded scones.”

I wrote this poem partly as a thank-you to Marian, and partly because I love the official response so much. Incidentally, you can check out Marian’s webpage at

The Ballad of Marian’s Scones
by Katherine Ashewode, “The Pocket Bard”
Pennsic 37 (2008)

Hear the tale of Marian’s scones that sit within the bowl.
Some are made with shredded cheese and some with currants whole.
Though some have praised them for their taste, they lie to you, I swear.
The scones are simply dreadful things, at best a middling-fair.
So dreadful are the scones she makes, they must be wiped away,
So she can try another batch upon another day.
I’ll do my part to save the world: I’ll eat a-one or two,
Or more if it should come to pass the eaters are too few.
I’ll hurl myself upon the scones, selfless as I am,
And only ask in recompense, would you please pass the jam?



  1. Heather Dale said,

    October 31, 2010 at 10:11 am

    Katherine, you rock. P and V were giggling in the background as I read this to them. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: