The Excuse Note

You know how some mischievous people, when they hear their name mentioned, immediately say, “It wasn’t me; I didn’t do it”? Edith my campmate brings this buck-passing to new heights in a six-sentence excuse that ends… Well, you’ll see how it ends. This one’s for her.

The Excuse Note
By Katherine Ashewode
To the tune of “The Sick Note”
August 2012

Dear Sir I cannot help you with whatever made you cross
And while I’m truly sorry for your hardship and your loss
It wasn’t me that did it; I am innocent you know
You couldn’t prove it anyway, so you’d better let it go

I have four friends in yonder town who’ll swear with honest tear
That all night long I sat with them and shared their keg of beer
Whatever rumor you have heard, it couldn’t have been me
Not only was I nowhere near, it was too dark to see

Moreover you’re mistaken when you cast accusing glare
Despite the wealth of evidence that proves I wasn’t there
I didn’t leave that door unlocked or fence-gate open wide
Whoever found them open, maybe they should not have pried

And so I hope you realize how innocent I am
And maybe now you’ll join me as I pour another dram
I’d thank you very kindly if you let go of my throat
And pay no more attention to that lying, cheating goat

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